2009 – A Marriage That Quit…

December 31, 2009

2009 has been a hard year for me. Haven’t done too much blogging as I’ve had to deal with personal issues.

October 2, 2009, my husband told me that he wanted out of our 9 year marriage. I was not shocked. He told me when he was drunk, looking at a wall and said, “I want out.” In the past he has always said, “I think I want out.” This time is was different. He had already made up his mind. What could I say but, “OK”. It has been a rough three months for me. Not being sure if I was coming or going. I’ve been over-analyzing everything. It’s been rough and tough…but I know that God is faithful and has been with me every step of the way.

I’ve done a lot of crying. I’ve done a lot of not understanding. I’ve been missing him a lot. I’ve been wondering if he has had a place to sleep. I’ve been wondering if he has food to eat.

I try to look on the positive and up side of all of this. I now have a place to put my car — in the garage where it belongs.

It’s not been fun. I have been abandoned. The only good thing is that I have a great job and fantastic friends…but….I need to keep remembering that the God that brought me through 2009 – is surely going to be bringing me through 2010.

8 Responses to “2009 – A Marriage That Quit…”

  1. Irene Says:


    I found your website when I was looking for examples of magnanimous Christian givers. It came up twice during my search. Thank you for posting it. It wasn’t what I was looking for, but it touched my heart. When I saw your Dec. posting about your marriage failure, I felt compelled to write to let you know that I am praying for you in this situation that God will provide restoration.

  2. cindyinsd Says:

    Hi, Maggie

    Your blog came up on my last blog post on one of those links WordPress puts at the bottom of everyone’s blogs. (Carved on Human Hearts)I don’t think I’ve ever clicked on one of those before, but yours looked interesting. I wanted to tell you, regarding this heartbreaking entry, that I’ve been there. At the time, I did feel abandoned by God. It took a long time to walk through that–would have been better if I had clung to Him instead.

    He is good, whatever men may do. You are loved and infinitely precious to Him, and He is always at work in your life, both in the good and in the bad. It’s easy to transfer that abandoned feeling to God, because He ‘didn’t do anything, and He could have,’ or ‘I couldn’t feel His presence when I needed Him most of all.’ He’s there, and He will never leave you. I don’t have the answers, but I do know He holds you near.

    Love, Cindy

  3. mwendwa Says:

    This letter is for all the Daughters of the most high, who are broken hearted, rejected, discouraged, pained, lost, helpless and dejected. He used my hand to write it, but it’s his message to you. Abide in his love. He has loved you with an everlasting love.

    My Beloved daughters,

    My Daughters, many of you are Rejected, Dejected and Broken hearted. But my love for you never fails; it has never failed even when you have felt like it has. My love is not like man’s love. It’s Eternal, Everlasting, Unconditional. I love you without wavering. I do not love you only when you are at your best, My love is constant. When you are in the pit, when you are downcast, when you are lost, I still love you and I long for you to realize that.

    Many have not understood you or appreciated you, but I do. I made you, I created you and fashioned you. I understand you even more than you understand yourself because I formed you.
    Psalms 139:13: “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb”.

    Many of my daughters are broken hearted yet they don’t realize that in the midst of their brokenness, there I am. My word says that I am near to the broken hearted and those crushed in spirit (Psalms 34:18), if only my daughters would believe this.

    Just like I loved the broken Samaritan woman (John 4), I love you too. I made that appointment with her because I knew her and I loved her. It was not mere chance that I was at that well when she came to draw water. I wanted to show my love for her and many like her. She had had 5 husbands and was living with a man who was not her husband. She was thirsty, she was searching for love from these men, I knew her thirst, I knew of her longings; I loved her. I met her at that well by divine appointment that day, to lead her to me, the water of life.

    Many of you my daughters are like her, you are searching, you are empty, you are looking in the wrong places for love, for fulfillment, but it will only lead to more heart break. Many of you are suffering now with broken hearts, painful hearts because of your thirst. Like the Samaritan woman, I want to meet with you, tell you I love you and offer you living water. I love my daughters, I long for you to be whole.

    Out of all the people in Samaria, the men, women and children, I chose this sinful woman to be my witness in Samaria. She was my chosen servant to spread the gospel in Samaria. I did this because I am not a respecter of persons; I did this to show my love, I did this that no man may boast. I saw her through MY eyes, not man’s eyes, not my disciples’ eyes, not Samaria’s eyes. My eyes. I saw her potential because I saw her as the father had formed her. My daughters, I see YOU, the real you. Do not believe the father of lies, the deceiver Satan. Many of you are bound with chains because you have believed him over me. He has deceived you and you have believed him, that you are worthless, unlovable, beyond redemption, beyond repair. My daughters he is the father of lies, there is no truth in him. My love is perfect, it draws near; it does not cast aside.

    I see you, I know you, and I understand you. I love you. You are not rejected by me. Rejection has left many of you very broken, but I want you to know that in me you are accepted. I reject no one. When you have cried in the dark of night, I have wept with you, when you have been rejected and hurt and cast aside, I have wept with you. Friends, family, mothers, lovers, children, fathers, husbands, have rejected you, but I have never rejected you. I weep at your brokenness, I weep at your thirst, I weep at your loneliness, I weep at your dead hearts, I Weep for you like I wept for Lazarus. I love you.

    My daughters, do not seek to be loved by man, receive your love from me, my love is perfect. Seek me first, find rest in my love. Drink from the fountain of life, drink from me that you may never thirst again. I died that you may be accepted, that you may have love everlasting. I was shamed and rejected by man, that you may be accepted in me. I understand your pain. They rejected me, they abused me, they bruised me, they slandered me, and they abandoned me- even my own disciples. I was killed by my beloved people. My daughters I understand your pain, I mourn with you. I took your pain at the cross. I bled that you may not bleed. I was rejected that you may be accepted by my father. I am more than enough for you.

    Let me be your avenger my daughters. Do not be bitter at those who have hurt you, forgive them. I know the pain you have suffered. I was there through the rape, through the abuse, through the abandonment, through the trauma, through the rejection, through the divorce, through the pain. When you were children and people took advantage of you, when your parents rejected you and did not protect you, my child, I was there crying with you. Your parents made mistakes, terrible mistakes, they used their will to hurt you, some of your fathers and loved ones abused your innocence and I wept. I want to heal you. Let me in. I will work it all out for good if you trust me.

    Choose me and live. I will bind your broken hearts, restore your shattered dreams, I will mould you into vessels of honor. I am the potter, you are clay. Am I not able to mould you and shape you if you let me? Be pliable in my hands my child. You are not broken beyond repair. If you let me in my daughter, I will make a beautiful vessel of honor out of you. I will amaze you and many will marvel at what I have done. Do you not believe?

    I do not condemn you. Your sins are many, but my grace is far and above. You have been abandoned and mocked by many, but not by me. You have been shamed and disgraced by your sins and by men, but I’m not through with you yet. The Pharisees threw the woman caught in the act of adultery before me, but I did not condemn her. She was my beloved. They went away one by one and left her at my feet, broken, disgraced and ashamed, rejected by all. I was all she was left with, I loved her. Many of you have been rejected by everyone and I am all you have left, but I tell you my daughters, I am more than enough. Like I told her, I tell you “go and sin no more” (John 8:11) I do not condemn you like man does. I love you. Go and sin no more. Your sins are forgiven. Give your life to me now and let me transform you. Let me re-mould you. Your shame is taken away, your disgrace is gone; I remember your sins no more. Be free my daughters!

    I will cause you to forget the shame of your youth my daughter (Isaiah 54:4). Only trust me. Look unto me. Do not fear man, what can he do to you? I repeat, Do not fear man, what can he do to you? He is but flesh, he is only like the flower in the field, here today, gone tomorrow. Do not be afraid my child, I am with you. Do not be concerned for man, look only to me and what I have said concerning you. If you look at man, you will fear, you will shrink back, look to me; be strong and very courageous. Trust in me. I will restore you; I will uplift you with my victorious right hand. I shall do mighty works in your life. Only believe. Trust me. Believe that I love you.

    The enemy is the one that comes to kill, steal and destroy, but I have come that you may have life in abundance my daughter (John 10:10). Reject his lies. Believe only me. Let my word dwell richly in you. I will transform you through my word. I am the word of God. Believe my words and live. I will NEVER leave you nor forsake you( Hebrew 13:5).Your husband has left you, your friends have rejected you, your mother and father have despised you, you have rejected and despised yourself, you are raising children by yourself, but I have not rejected you. I have good plans for you my daughter. Only believe.

    My promises are true. I do not lie, there is only light in me, no darkness. If you walk with me, you shall walk in light. You may stumble but you will not fall, I will uphold you. My promises are true, they are Yes and Amen, believe that I am a father to the fatherless, husband to the widow, I am near to you. You are not forsaken by me. You never were. I told you in my word that even though a mother may forget her nursing baby, that I will not forget you (Isaiah 49:15). I have told you in my word that though your mother and father forsake you, I will take you up (Psalms 27:10). I am my word. I am not a man that I should lie, nor the son of man that I should repent. What I have said is established for eternity. My daughter, believe my word. I love you, I accept you; you are engraved in the palm of my hand (Isaiah 49:16). I am filled with compassion for you.

    Rest In my love my daughters, rest in my acceptance, believe only my words, and reject the lies that would make you feel less. You are not the least of my children. I and my father love you. If you will give your broken lives to me, I will restore you. I will rebuild your broken walls and make you mighty fortresses. I want to bless you like I blessed Sarah, I want you to make you the mothers of nations; kings of peoples will come from you. Believe in me. Believe my word, reject the lies. Will you drink of my waters? All other springs will dry up; all other waters will make you thirsty again. The waters of man do not satisfy, they increase thirst, but if you will drink of my living water, you will never thirst again! Never!

    I have loved you with an everlasting love.

    Your savior,
    Jesus Christ

    Isaiah 54:
    1“Sing, O barren woman,
    you who never bore a child;
    burst into song, shout for joy,
    you who were never in labor;
    because more are the children of the desolate woman
    than of her who has a husband,”
    says the LORD.
    2“Enlarge the place of your tent,
    stretch your tent curtains wide,
    do not hold back;
    lengthen your cords,
    strengthen your stakes.
    3For you will spread out to the right and to the left;
    your descendants will dispossess nations
    and settle in their desolate cities.
    4“Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame.
    Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.
    You will forget the shame of your youth
    and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.
    5For your Maker is your husband—
    the LORD Almighty is his name—
    the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
    he is called the God of all the earth.
    6The LORD will call you back
    as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—
    a wife who married young,
    only to be rejected,” says your God.
    7“For a brief moment I abandoned you,
    but with deep compassion I will bring you back.
    8In a surge of anger
    I hid my face from you for a moment,
    but with everlasting kindness
    I will have compassion on you,”
    says the LORD your Redeemer.


  4. cindyinsd Says:

    Mwendwa, that was amazing. Do you have a blog?


  5. Thank you everyone — you are all so kind. I love you all.

    In Him,

  6. mwendwa Says:

    @ cindy: you can click on my name to go to my site
    @ johnie: it shall be well. take heart. he has already overcome the world.may his peace abide in your heart. always.

  7. cindyinsd Says:

    Just wanted you to know I’m praying for you.

    Love, Cindy

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